Why You Don't Need Labels to Heal: Focus on What You Want More (or Less) Of in Your Life

The Limitation of Labels

Labels are double-edged and can be both comforting and confining. Identifying someone as a narcissist can provide a sense of validation and understanding of their behaviour. Similarly, labeling yourself as codependent or empathetic might help you make sense of your own actions and feelings. However, these labels can also become limiting. Labels create a fixed narrative and oversimplify complex human behaviours and emotions. And let's face it abusive relationships are complex and the emotions involved cannot be reduced to rigid definitions that don't necessarily capture the full picture.

When you focus on labels, you risk defining yourself or others in narrow terms, which can prevent you from seeing the broader possibilities for growth and change. For example, labelling your abuser as a narcissist might lead you to see all of their actions through that lens, making it difficult to recognize any nuance in their behaviour or to acknowledge your own behaviour and where you need to heal. Similarly, labelling yourself as codependent or empathetic or loyal to a fault might make you feel stuck in that identity, rather than empowering you to evolve beyond it.

The Power of Focusing on Yourself

Healing is ultimately about you—your growth, your peace, your well-being. The most important part of your journey is understanding what you need and want moving forward. By asking yourself what you want more of in your life and what you want less of, you shift the focus away from the past and towards your future. These questions allow you to take ownership of your healing process, without being tethered to the labels or the stories that may have defined you in the past.

• What Do You Want More Of in Your Life?

  This question invites you to think about what brings you joy, peace, and fulfillment. Do you want more love, self-respect, boundaries, or freedom? Perhaps you desire more time for self-care, creative pursuits, or meaningful relationships. Whatever it is, identifying what you want more of helps you set clear intentions for your life and take actionable steps towards achieving those goals.

• What Do You Want Less Of in Your Life?

  This question encourages you to identify the patterns, behaviours, and situations that no longer serve you. Do you want less anxiety, drama, or self-doubt? Maybe you want less time spent on relationships that drain you or less engagement in negative self-talk. Understanding what you want less of allows you to create space for the things that truly matter to you, fostering an environment where you can thrive.

Moving Beyond Labels

Healing is a deeply personal journey, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach. While labels can offer some initial understanding, they are not the key to your recovery. What truly matters is your ability to connect with yourself, understand your desires, and take steps towards a life that reflects who you are and what you value.

By focusing on what you want more of and what you want less of in your life, you empower yourself to create meaningful change. You move away from defining your life through labels and instead start to author a life that is uniquely yours—a life that is shaped by your choices, your values, and your aspirations.

In the end, healing isn't about fitting into a category or defining your experiences through a specific lens. It's about becoming the person you want to be and living the life you want to live. And that starts with asking yourself two simple questions.

Journal Prompts to Take Back Control

• What do you want more of in your life? List 5 things and explore why they matter to you.

• What do you want less of in your life? Identify 5 things and reflect on how they impact your well-being.

• How have labels like "narcissist" or "codependent" influenced your perception of yourself and others?

• What steps can you take to bring more of what you want into your daily life?

• How does letting go of labels feel to you? Does it bring relief, uncertainty, or something else?

• Write about a time when you focused on what you wanted more or less of, rather than on labels. How did that change the outcome?

• In what ways do you think your life could improve if you let go of the need to label yourself or others?

For a deeper dive into this topic, be sure to watch my accompanying video on YouTube here.

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